"Big Fat Mess"

The worst cookie you could ever imagine, filled with lots of empty calories and high-glycemic index sugars held together by shame and guilt. Five out of five people agree, it does not leave a good taste in your mouth no matter how much Clorox you drink.

1 cup Cheetos

1/2 cup corn syrup

1 cup marshmallow fluff

1 cup lard

14 oz cream cheese

2 cups supremely white processed flour

2 tsp baking powder

"Margarine Shortbread"

As far as bland goes, this cookie really lives up to its hype. The "I can believe it's not butter" margarine lends to its pasty white color, fake taste, and were it not for the shrivelled raisin with almond slivers for wings representing the now infamous debate fly, there'd be nothing nutritious or redeeming about it.

1 tub margarine

1 cup supremely white sugar

2 non-fertilized eggs

2 cups white flour

2 tsp baking soda

1 cup supremely white powdered sugar

1/3 cup 1% milk

raisins and slivered almonds to make flies (can substitute with fresh caught flies)